seashell eyes, windy smile

To whom it may concern…

I am comfortable with who I am. I feel beautiful. I feel smart. I feel empowered and I refuse to “get off my high horse”.

I enjoy sweating under the sheets, in a car, on a golf course, on the beach at night, in your bed, in my bed, in the shower… I refuse to stop being a “slut”.

I’m not afraid to laugh at myself. I’m not afraid to dance and sing and smile. I refuse to stop being “immature”.

I have battled body issues. I’ve starved myself and I’ve refused to leave my bed in fear of people seeing my body. I’ve decided no more. I eat when I want and I eat what I want. I refuse to stop being “fat”.

You can kindly take your insults elsewhere because I refuse to stop being me.

Things I’ll start doing more of

- Carrying a book around & reading

- Eating vegetarian

- Running, exercising, & staying active

- Spending time in the sun

- Cooking

- Taking pictures with film camera

- Sketching, painting, & creating

- Writing lists

- Loving myself

- Listening

Tomorrow

- Wake up early to run on the beach

- Help mom with cars

- Shopping in Orlando with mom and sister

- Beach (if still sunny)

- Grocery shopping

- Work on projects

- Cuddle

I’ve got big things ahead. Sitting here reflecting on the past year and I’ve come to realize I’m in the exact direction I hoped to be in. I have purpose, drive, and the means to achieve my goals. I’m surrounded by people who love and support me, no matter what. This next year can only get better.

I can’t be afraid of failure or responsibility. Not when there is so much potential good I could do.

Busy Day

Had a picnic at my grandpa’s memorial bench to celebrate his birthday. Then my parents needed a ton of help cleaning (like super duper cleaning) their house, because they put it on the market today and already have 5 showings booked this weekend. We started around 5 and just now finished!

Back at the condo. I’m going to take a long hot shower then get all of my things unpacked. Going to try and fall asleep early tonight.

Tomorrow’s To Do:

- Wake up early (6-7:30am) and go for a run on the beach

- Help parents with house if needed

- Work on projects

- Go to beach/swim in pool

- Jipsy’s birthday party

- Eat healthy

- Be happy

Bought a new bikini today and took before pictures of my body in it. Each month I’m going to take progress photos to help keep me motivated in my fitness journey. I’ve got this. I’ve got this. Not giving up gosh darn it.

- Run the causeway
- Get settled in the condo
- Go grocery shopping
- Go to the beach
- Cook dinner with Cory
- Work on projects
- Write a list
- Eat healthy
- Be happy